alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
