I hate all girls vehemently.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
