only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
