apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
