he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize