Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
