I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
