Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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