thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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