so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
