i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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