I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize