her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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