is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
