She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
