I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize