Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
