I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
