You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
