i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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