After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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