I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
