That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
