It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
