o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
