Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
