why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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