you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
