I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
