I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize