Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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