I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
