11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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