i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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