That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
