pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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