If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
