went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
