I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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