This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
