Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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