Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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