My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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