The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
