So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Farmville is her only friend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
