It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
