i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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