You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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