so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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