my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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