my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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