So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
