Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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