i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
