Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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