Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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