Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
