You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
