A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
