I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
