if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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