he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
