When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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