I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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