your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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