she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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