I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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