I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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