Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
