I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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