Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
