I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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