Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize