We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
