oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
