Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
